It’s only been decades. That’s not completely true. A few years ago I made a real effort to learn to play guitar better, and I took a online course for writing lyrics. I felt stupid and frustrated, and also that it was not what I wanted, to play guitar.
Now I am giving it another go. I’ve felt very frustrated with visual art, and the mystical expressive arts project gave me permission to think about how I might experiment with music in a light and easy way. My boyfriend has also been experimenting with sound stuff, building out a modular synthesizer. So he explained some things about electronic music, what midi is, Audacity versus the as-yet-unpurchased Ableton. It was a very steep learning curve and this happened over weeks or months.
And then something just clicked. I discovered Cakewalk by Bandlab. I also started watching a bunch of videos by EDM Tips. I don’t want to make EDM, but the tutorials and free downloads were fantastic and encouraging.
Also there is Grimes. Love her or hate her, or her music, she just decided one day to make music and FIGURED IT OUT and made a goddam album.
Music really was my first love but I have no real talent. I remember making a guitar out of a shoe box and rubber bands and being very intrigued by the tones it made. I sang. No one was interested or encouraging. I had stage fright and thus quite a few traumatic experiences singing in front of others. I couldn’t control my voice or remember the words.
My best high school friend was a big support. After high school when I was slumming around San Francisco, she helped me find a place to stay for a couple of months when she travelled in Europe. It was a strange basement room I had all to myself. I slept on a couch and had a TV and used the money I saved on rent to buy a guitar and a bass. I wrote terrible songs and taught myself as much as I could. I was not any good, but I loved it and was able to spend hours on it. I did put an ad in SF Weekly and someone actually answered it. I spent a humbling afternoon with a real musician who generously took my ideas and turned it into an actual song. I was totally out of my league, but it was a delightful afternoon.
When my friend returned from her trip, I lived with her at her mom’s (I feel embarrassed by this btw). Neither of us worked. How old were we…19? 20? By that time I had a little 8 track recorder and she helped me record an actual song in her bathroom. Vocals, bass and guitar.
I feel so grateful for her support and validation. But now we never talk and I don’t know if she would be able to really hear my gratitude.
Zooming forward a few decades to today. I have spent the whole day experimenting with midi and drum tracks and sounds available in Cakewalk. I’ve been learning about keys and chords and progressions. I love it. Here’s one of the experiment. It’s not good! But it is big progress towards what feels like authentic creativity.
https://www.bandlab.com/embed/?id=2b37a6eb-f14b-ec11-9820-e42aac7a5303